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Grammar Police Graviton technology

Сообщение  Сообщение #1 
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A small mistake on Graviton technology description: "is increases -> is increased".

However, the whole description is quite confusing as many sentences use either passive or OSV (Object-Subject-Verb) form which are unusual for English speakers making is hard to read.
Could you rephrase more sentences in this description using an active SVO form ?

One possible example: "With the improvement of the technology the power of planetary destruction is increases." -> "A power of planetary destruction increases with the improvement of the technology."

Another example: "By launching a concentrated charge of graviton you can create an artificial gravitational field, which, like a black hole sucks in mass, so you can destroy a moon or a planet." -> "You can create an artificial gravitational field by launching a concentrated charge of gravitons. It sucks in mass like a black hole, so that you can destroy a moon or a planet."

Please, note also a single/plural correction (graviton -> gravitons) in the second example + a subtle change "so" -> "so that".
Медаль третьего класса

Медаль третьего класса

Эту медаль можно обменять на медаль флота. Выдается за заслуги перед проектом.

Выдал медаль: Victoria

14 Июля 2016 01:44:22
14 Июля 2016 01:44:22
Сообщение  Сообщение #2 
Репутация 354
Группа Terminator 180 32 50 Сообщений 5217
Corrected.
14 Июля 2016 07:06:23
14 Июля 2016 07:06:23

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